Reflection - Healing in Real Time
Marie Ruth gazed at the little box on her computer screen. Renr sat with head bowed and hands covering her face. Through the tiny speakers, Marie Ruth heard the choking sobs. Despite the digital video nature, Marie Ruth held space for her best friend.
Eventually the sobs decreased and Renr looked up at Marie Ruth. “Why do they hurt us?” she hiccuped. “Why? I just don’t understand.”
“I’m so sorry,” Marie Ruth replied quietly. “This is just a pile of shit on a pile of shit.”
Editing the first chapter of Renr’s story brought up a lot of emotions for both of us. There is the act of telling - or sitting down and sharing your story with a trusted friend. And then there is the act of writing as if you are experiencing it. Both of us relived our worst experiences and talked through those moments together.
We talked about all the harshest truths, most embarrassing details and our lowest points. Unabashed honesty in all the dark places.
It is hard, brutal work. But somehow in the writing of it, as if it was happening, it moves it to the page. Places distance from it. Somehow we bled on the page as writers and purged that poison.
“I know you are friends today. But well, after reading this, this is some bullshit,” stated Marie Ruth. “I don’t like this for you. You deserve better.”
Sighing, Marie Ruth looked at her younger friend. She felt the weight of the years they had known each other. “No, he is not good enough for you. Say it to yourself in the mirror.”
Renr looked at Marie Ruth with a quizzical expression. “That phrase is powerful. I deserve better. We don’t or have a hard time believing that. But him not good enough - yeah that is doable.”
Patterns repeat themselves. Healing is messy. Do it scared. Tried and true cliched mantras that still after decades have truth within.